This is a humorous look at all the ways families can drive each other crazy during the holiday season. Afriel’s “10 Ways to Ruin Thanksgiving Dinner for Yourself and Your Family” should give everyone a good belly laugh!
10. Let your toddler run around naked while you’re in the middle of a diaper change. Be sure to let the kiddo run naked long enough to poop on the floor, too. For extra kicks, ask your teenage sister (who doesn’t like little children) to check out the “present” the toddler left, and wants her auntie to clean up.
9. For the manly men in the family, pile your Thanksgiving plates high with food. Then go back for seconds as the party’s hostess cheers you on. Course, you’ll realize you really didn’t want that second plate of food when you hear about the desserts. So, be a good guy and throw the entire plate of food in the trash.
8. For all the moms with young children: Time your arrival so you walk in the door holding a kiddo who’s diaper is soaked with pee and/or filled with poo. Hey, everyone in the family is eager to hold your kid and sure, family members are dying to change those dirty diapers. This is a great way to make a grand entrance and leave lasting impressions upon your family.
7. Instead of eating what your Thanksgiving hostess prepared (and spent hours in the kitchen making), walk in the door with a salad from Sonic. We know you’re watching your weight and hey, those Sonic salads beat out a homemade dinner any day! Nothing like hurting the feelings of the person who prepared your meal.
6. Now this is something I think everyone should already know. Don’t be late. Especially if the hostess is a stickler about being on time. You know the entire family wants to hear her griping throughout the meal. All that bitching aids digestion, right? What’s the holiday for if not to hear the hostess complain, non-stop, about how Thanksgiving is ruined?
5. This goes if you’re the hostess of the party. I know the holidays are stressful, but don’t confess, after everyone has eaten the majority of their food, that you made it ahead of time – like six months ago – and were keeping it frozen until that morning when the meal was reheated.
4. Want to set your family on fire? Decide that Thanksgiving is the time and place to reconcile differences. Or fight. Or be rude. Or pick on the people you love. Just be pushy enough to force others to talk to you about the subjects you think are important and necessary. Especially when others simply want to have a good time and keep it light.
3. Talk about current events even though you have no idea what you’re saying. There’s nothing like making others feel uncomfortable and embarrassed for you. An example: The Bluebonnet Plague does not, and will not, ever, exist. However, the Bubonic plague was a real world event that happened in the late middle ages in Europe, also known as the Black Death. See how easy that was?
2. Take out your snuff pack, grab a pinch, and shove it into your mouth. Be sure to bring your spit cup! Course, the ideal place to do this is at the table while your family is eating. Why excuse yourself when others can partake in the greatness of your disgusting habit? Nothing else could make such an awesome statement of gratitude for family and the holiday.
1. Once you’ve married into the family, by all means behave as you please. Stretch out your legs and swing those cowboy boots onto the coffee table. Pretend to be asleep on the couch while your kiddo is screaming and getting into things they shouldn’t. Roll your eyes at the senior citizens in the family, thinking they didn’t see your face. Mock others behind their backs. You’re part of the family, now, so there’s absolutely no need to pretend you’re not rude, or that you like us. We love you just as you are!