Tag Archives: holiday humor

5 Ways to Ruin Christmas for Your Family

Cute Christmas OrnamentWant to ruin Christmas for your family? Here’s my top five ways to ensure your family has a really good time this holiday season.

Re-Gift. Just don’t do it. Especially if you have a small family or social circle. If you do, there’s a good possibility the gift will recycle and everyone will find out how cheap you really are. The best thing you can do with a gift you don’t like is donate the gift to charity. Keep in mind, however, that if the gift is poor quality, or is ugly or old, that’s not an excuse to give it to the needy.

Buy everyone the same gift from the dollar store. It’s a super big no-no even if the gifts are different colors or designs. Cheap-o gifts that are basically the same thing, given to everyone on your gift list, isn’t the true spirit of giving. All that shows is either a) how much you don’t care or b) how little you are involved in people’s lives. If you aren’t sure what to buy your friends and family, give them cash or a Visa gift card. If money is an issue, make something. Preparing a loved one’s favorite dessert or treat shows that you care. And if you don’t cook, share a family heirloom.

Stress out and act like a freak. If you know the holidays stress you out and your family tells you, every Christmas, that the Grinch has nothing on you, then maybe you should step back as the Christmas party host. Can’t do that because you’re a control freak? Well, maybe you should, for the sake of your family, refrain from all holiday events. No one wants to be the reason why Christmas was ruined. Give your family a break, okay?

Share old candy. This doesn’t go for just Christmas, because it can be applied to Valentine’s, Easter, and Halloween, too. Don’t give out candy you’ve had for five years. That’s not saving money and it’s plain, old GROSS. Nothing is yuckier than biting into stale, oxidized candy. Red Christmas Ornament

Make Christmas be about you. Guess what? Christmas isn’t about you! It never has been, nor will it ever be. It’s about the birth of Jesus (at least for practicing Christians). And while I know that you may be thinking, “Hey I’m still walking this Earth and according to my awesome self, I’m the bees’ knees. So take THAT Christmas,” let me remind you this attitude will get you nowhere in life. Your family came together on this holiday to be in the company of their loved ones and have a good time.

10 Ways to Ruin Thanksgiving Dinner for Yourself and Your Family

This is a humorous look at all the ways families can drive each other crazy during the holiday season. Afriel’s “10 Ways to Ruin Thanksgiving Dinner for Yourself and Your Family” should give everyone a good belly laugh!

Happy Thanksgiving!
Image courtesy of nongpimmy / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 10. Let your toddler run around naked while you’re in the middle of a diaper change. Be sure to let the kiddo run naked long enough to poop on the floor, too. For extra kicks, ask your teenage sister (who doesn’t like little children) to check out the “present” the toddler left, and wants her auntie to clean up.

9. For the manly men in the family, pile your Thanksgiving plates high with food. Then go back for seconds as the party’s hostess cheers you on. Course, you’ll  realize you really didn’t want that second plate of food when you hear about the desserts. So, be a good guy and throw the entire plate of food in the trash.

8. For all the moms with young children: Time your arrival so you walk in the door holding a kiddo who’s diaper is soaked with pee and/or filled with poo. Hey, everyone in the family is eager to hold your kid and sure, family members are dying to change those dirty diapers. This is a great way to make a grand entrance and leave lasting impressions upon your family.

7. Instead of eating what your Thanksgiving hostess prepared (and spent hours in the kitchen making), walk in the door with a salad from Sonic. We know you’re watching your weight and hey, those Sonic salads beat out a homemade dinner any day! Nothing like hurting the feelings of the person who prepared your meal.

6. Now this is something I think everyone should already know. Don’t be late. Especially if the hostess is a stickler about being on time. You know the entire family wants to hear her griping throughout the meal. All that bitching aids digestion, right? What’s the holiday for if not to hear the hostess complain, non-stop, about how Thanksgiving is ruined?

5. This goes if you’re the hostess of the party. I know the holidays are stressful, but don’t confess, after everyone has eaten the majority of their food, that you made it ahead of time – like six months ago – and were keeping it frozen until that morning when the meal was reheated.

4. Want to set your family on fire? Decide that Thanksgiving is the time and place to reconcile differences. Or fight. Or be rude. Or pick on the people you love. Just be pushy enough to force others to talk to you about the subjects you think are important and necessary. Especially when others simply want to have a good time and keep it light.

3. Talk about current events even though you have no idea what you’re saying. There’s nothing like making others feel uncomfortable and embarrassed for you. An example: The Bluebonnet Plague does not, and will not, ever, exist. However, the Bubonic plague was a real world event that happened in the late middle ages in Europe, also known as the Black Death. See how easy that was?

2. Take out your snuff pack, grab a pinch, and shove it into your mouth. Be sure to bring your spit cup! Course, the ideal place to do this is at the table while your family is eating. Why excuse yourself when others can partake in the greatness of your disgusting habit? Nothing else could make such an awesome statement of gratitude for family and the holiday.

1. Once you’ve married into the family, by all means behave as you please. Stretch out your legs and swing those cowboy boots onto the coffee table. Pretend to be asleep on the couch while your kiddo is screaming and getting into things they shouldn’t. Roll your eyes at the senior citizens in the family, thinking they didn’t see your face. Mock others behind their backs. You’re part of the family, now, so there’s absolutely no need to pretend you’re not rude, or that you like us. We love you just as you are!